TL;DR: Your intended usecase is not supported.
The embed with either only the player and its controls OR the “everything” embed is what you will have to use. Removing the controls is a violation of the Guidelines, if i recall correctly.
As for autoplay: it’s a black box intended to avoid abuse of media elements. You will most likely not get video to autoplay unless the user spends some time on your website and interacts with it for a while before encountering the video.