Alright, for example to detect caps you would count the uppercase letters. To do that with a regular expression in mIRC:
var %uppercase = $regex($1-, /[A-Z]/g)
This would return the number of occurrences of A to Z in the message $1-.
Then you’d determine if it should be classified as caps by comparing it to the length of the whole message (percentage.)
Detecting links is a different beast, and you’ll have to learn the basics of regular expressions to understand that.